nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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