i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
