I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
