I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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