2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
