3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
