My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We talked him into tasing himself.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize