You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
