Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
