You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
