I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
