You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize