Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am available for nakedness
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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