I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
