cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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