just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
