38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
