wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
