I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
