I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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