Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize