the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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