Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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