Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
