so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
