I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
