I didn't shave. On purpose
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
