I think scott just propositioned me for sex
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
