It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
