the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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