it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
