I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
