I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
