I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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