Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
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That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.