No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
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Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
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The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background