I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.