Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????