Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.