I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You made out with two different species that night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!