hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How does one acquire holy water?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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