I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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