she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize