Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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