sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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