We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
