took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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