Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
