Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
