just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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