I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
