If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
