OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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