I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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