every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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