highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
