i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
