I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
