get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
