well I can't set my house on fire every night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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