the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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