i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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