All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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