first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
