I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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