Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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