Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
