Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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