She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
